SAMPLE STUDENT ESSAY
College Essay
Kate English College Essay
Evaluate
a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical
dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. – Common App (250- 500
words)
The
summer before my freshman year of high school, I learned from my
friends that Bishop Verot had a cross country team. My friends had
received phone calls from the coach, inviting them to summer workouts.
Although not a runner at the time, I had previously participated in 5Ks
and triathlons and was therefore intrigued, plus it was another excuse
to hang out with my friends. Nevertheless, by the end of the summer, all
my friends quit, I was unsure if I wanted to pursue this without them,
but I chose to stay and that undoubtedly was one of my best decisions.
Three years later, I am the last member of that original team my
freshman year. I have experienced sweltering heat, a medley of
teammates, runner’s high, and the passing of coaches. All of which has
shaped me to be a determined, strong, caring person.
I
have a love- hate relationship with cross country. Honestly, after some
long days of school, the last thing I want to endure is an intense two
hour practice where the hot Florida sun pounds on me, causing me to
sweat so profusely, I wish my eyes had windshield wipers. The physical
hindrances such as side pains or shin splints however are nothing in
comparison to the mental “wall”. With each pounding step, your brain
mocks you, telling you to quit. Pain tries to overcome me; I breathe
out, relax my shoulders and battle back, believing my task is overcome
able and reminding myself this is worth it. Every mile logged in brings
me one step closer to my goal. Pushing harder and harder, I found myself
saying, “Only two miles” and have progressively worked my way to the “only
four miles” stepping stone. With this, I approach each tasks, whether
academic, athletic, etc. with fervor. No task is too great, unless I
think it is.
Although
personal perseverance can take one far, tough practices are definitely
much easier with great teammates. A plethora of personalities, we have
found a way to blend, calling ourselves a “dysfunctional family”.
Spending countless hours together at practice, meets, pasta nights,
etc., we unavoidably get on each other’s nerves ( some of us aren’t
morning people), but in the end we have each other’s backs. While
running, the encouraging voices of my teammates energize me like a shock
of electricity. We push each other not only to be the best runners we
can be, but also the best persons and students, as we have been ranked
as the second smartest team in Florida Class 2A. I’m better in all
aspects of life because of them, but most of all they have taught me the
importance of compassion, support, and service.
In
an effort to give back to them what they have given to me, I implore to
be a great captain like my previous teammates. Because we are so close,
I have learned how to best inspire our team. With Lauren, nice, soft
encouragement works; Kirstin, breaking down each run into tinier goals;
and with Brooke and Cathrine, just plain beating them does the trick.
Words let me encourage by telling them, but my actions show them what we
need. In a sport, where almost every day you want to quit, a positive
attitude is your strongest defender. No complaining, no cutting corners,
running strong each time.
Fr.
Joseph Beattie and Father John Beattie founded the cross country
programs at Bishop Verot. Both coached me and both passed away in my
time at Bishop Verot. Their dedication has allowed me to experience the
wonderful sport of cross country. Their deaths took a heavy toll on my
heart, but each one also rededicated me to the sport we all loved. Cross
country has allowed me to learn qualities such as endurance,
responsibility, and kindness. With these growing abilities, it has
inspired me to serve and make some sort of positive difference like Fr.
Joseph and John did for me. I am no longer my freshman self who
questioned and doubted whether she should try something new all by
herself. Unafraid, seeking new opportunities and experiences, I know I
will make an impact.
AHH!!! 693 words, 193 too many. I think I can abbreviate the intro and congregate the 3rd and 4th paragraph into one shorter one.
2 comments:
Sam DaviesSeptember 5, 2011 at 12:28 PMHey Kate! I really, really like this! I think your personality really shines through in your essay with the combination of great big words and then ones that you would normally speak in. That alone gives a good insight into you. I think that the two paragraphs about the team would be good combined, like you said. They would flow together nicely and would probably allow you to cut your word count, since you could easily substitute some things that are slighty repetative when talking about your team. I think this was a great choice for you to write about:)!- Nice essay Kate!! You showed your leadership skills really clearly when you talked about the ways you motivate different people, and that line: "Three years later, I am the last member of that original team my freshman year." - Hot dang! that's impressive determination! You may want to shorten and edit your intro- there's a few run-on sentences. But awesomely awesome job :)Reply
